Saturday, May 09, 2009

My impending retirement

What a way to start a weekend! I found the following email with the Subject "FUNDS NO:35460021 UM09" in my Inbox this morning:
Payment Reference No.-35460021
U.S. Department of Treasury
West African Foreign Remittance Payment Department.
WASHINGTON DC, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.


Attention Dear Beneficiary,

We the entire members of Top Management of the U.S. Department of Treasury West African Foreign Remittance Payment Department. washington D.C, on behalf of the Government of the United States of America, under the auspices of the US Treasury Department held a meeting this week concerning your payment, both foreign and local contractors and some inheritance funds which were not released to the right benefactors.

Mr. Henry M. Paulson, Jr. Executive Secretary, United States Treasury Department, has just informed our Department here in El Monte California that All the listed contractors and Inheritance funds benefactors which their CONTRACT PAYMENT SUM AND INHERITANCE FUNDS were not paid to should be released to them with immediate effect.

We discovered that your payment listed to us has accrued up to $5.7 Million (Five Million, Seven Hundred Thousand United States Dollars), you are advised to respond with effect so that we will process your payment to be made in any form you wish to receive your funds.

Kindly respond to this office so that your payment will be processed and transferred under 72 hours of receiving this email.

On going through files yesterday, we discovered that your file was dumped untreated, so at this juncture, we apologize for the delay of your payment and please stop communicating with any office now and attention to the appointed office below for you to receive your payment accordingly.

Now your new Payment Reference No.-35460021, Allocation No: 674632 Password No : 339331 , Pin Code No: 55674 and your Certificate of Merit Payment No : 103 , Released Code No: 0763; Immediate Telex confirmation No: -1114433 ; Secret Code No: XXTN013, Having received these vital payment number, therefore You are qualified now to receive and confirm Your payment with the United Bank of Africa immediately within 72 hours.

However, I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from the records presented to the bank your outstanding inheritance contract payment has accrued up to the sum of US$5.7 Million (5 Million, Seven Hundred Thousand United States Dollars).

NOTE THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO RECONFIRM THE BELOW INFORMATIONS TO ENABLE US RECONFIRM THAT IT IS SAME AS WE HAVE HERE IN OUR OFFICE:

1.Full Name:
2.Phone Number:
3.Residential Address:
4.Legal Occupation and Position

BE SURE TO PROVIDE THE ABOVE INFORMATIONS CORRECTLY.

As soon as this information is received, your payment will be made to you, As a result of the on-going drive of the United States National Treasury Department to update our books and clear overdue payments to all rightful beneficiaries / heirs, I strongly recommend that you promptly and humbly respond to this notification letter immediately.

NOTE: We have mounted our security network to monitor every in-coming call, if we still find out that you are still dealing with all those fraudsters that have been frustrating you, I shall stop and cancel your payment immediately.

Thanks and God Bless you.
Mr. John Mensah
West African Foreign Remittance Payment Department.
WASHINGTON DC, USA
Office Fax: (202) 622-6415
Personal E-mail: westafricaonustreasury@yahoo.com.hk
I can tell the email is official because they were notified by Mr. Henry M. Paulson, Jr. Executive Secretary, United States Treasury Department (otherwise I might be suspicious that the West Africaon Treasury uses a Yahoo! email address). It must be important considering the entire members of Top Management of the U.S. Department of Treasury West African Foreign Remittance Payment Department bothered to address my inheritance. I already promptly and humbly responded, providing the above informations correctly immediately.

I did note that he writes that if he still finds out that I am still dealing with all those fraudsters that have been frustrating me, he shall stop and cancel my payment immediately. So please keep this confidential -- they have mounted their security network to monitor every in-coming call. As directed, I stopped communicating with any office now and attention to the appointed office above for me to receive my payment accordingly. I gave them my bank account number and PIN so they can deposit the funds directly into my account.

The upshot of the email is that I have an outstanding inheritance contract payment of $5.7-million coming to me! That should be plenty of money for me to live off of for the rest of my life without working anymore. It says my payment will be processed and transferred under 72 hours of receiving this email, so I might as well retire now.

2 comments:

Bananna said...

I'm pissed off. I'm a few years (only a few) older than you and *I* should have received my e-mail forthwith, informing me of the same.

Since I am still, obviously waiting for the receipt of said e-mail, I’ve decided to circumvent the typical US bureaucratic process and instead, use your information.

There's no chance in hell that I'll be keeping your information confidential. Especially now that I have your Payment Reference No.-35460021, Allocation No: 674632 Password No : 339331 , Pin Code No: 55674 and your Certificate of Merit Payment No : 103 , Released Code No: 0763; Immediate Telex confirmation No: -1114433 ; Secret Code No: XXTN013, I Have received these vital payment number, therefore I am qualified now to receive and confirm Your payment with the United Bank of Africa immediately within 72 hours...

Although they have mounted their security network to monitor every in-coming call. I’ve been around you long enough to be able to imitate that whiny voice of yours and sound just like you, if I try hard enough. There’s no way they will recognize me. After all, it’s the US Treasury and I hear Paulson doesn’t work there any more. So that’s gotta mean they’ve got some hacks in charge now.

Don’t worry; I’ll make sure I invite you to my retirement party as my special guest just as soon as the funds arrive. I may even invite you to that private island I plan on buying with the money, if you’re nice.

The Progressive said...

I'm amazed at how fortunate I am. I just received my second windfall in a month! Check out the email I got today:


From The Desk of Zeng Kaisheng

Date: 17th June 2009

I am Zeng Kaisheng, Principal Assurance manager for the China Trust Commercial Bank in China. I am getting in touch with you regarding the estate and an investment placed under our banks management 7 years ago under my direct supervision.

I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail. I contact you independently and no one is informed of this communication.

What I propose is that since I have exclusive access to his file, you will be made the beneficiary of these funds. My bank will contact you informing you that money has been willed to you because we have been unable to trace the relatives since two years now that the owner has died. On verification, which will be the details I make available to my bank. You do not have to have known him. I know this might be a bit heavy for you but please trust me on this. For all your troubles I propose that we split the money in half. In the banking circle this happens every time. The other option is that the money will revert back to the state.

Nobody is getting hurt; this is a lifetime opportunity for us. I hold the KEY to these funds, and as a Chinese National we see so much cash and funds being re-assigned daily. I would want us to keep communication for now strictly by email for confidential reasons. Until I hear from you and you have shown your interest, then I will furnish you with pertinent details regarding how we can conclude this great opportunity. I will also forward to you my personal telephone and fax numbers for easy communication.

I await your response.

Zeng Kaisheng

Private Email:zh.kaisheng@yahoo.com.cn